The World's Shittiest Person

You ever have such bad stomach cramps that you have to pull over on the side of the road and accidentally take a shit on the side of your car, and then speed away flinging human feces on your car in 100° heat?

Id like to say I haven’t…

Ate too much Thai food last night… made the poor decision to go swimming in a lake today.

No further questions please

Had a close call today boys. I was out hunting this morning and thought about stopping at a gas station but my body decided it wasn’t ready for its first movement at 5am.

I proceed to hike into this field a half mile and start to set up my blind when I got the cramps, didn’t think much of it and then all of a sudden my intestines twisted hard and my corn hole instantly clenched for dear life. I yelled to my dad “I gotta go!” and proceed to sprint across this open field back to the truck with no safe spot to blow it out in site. I got over-taken by the sheer force of satan inside me and had to stop mid open field and drop trou… Straight up projectile shot out whatever was inside me knowing I didn’t have any toilet paper on hand. I had to resort to using my buff to take care of business. No birds flew the rest of the morning and I believe the cause of that was what I unleashed on this public land… not the best start to the day but at least I didn’t take a point.

How was your day?

It all started on what was supposed to be a night celebrating love and union, but shat-tered trust of a fart led to a shart and a broken heart.

coming out of the bathroom; feeling not fine. I seek solace in my partner. She tells me “no one will know, nobody has any idea, you can come clean tomorrow. Don’t worry about it tonight and have fun.”

after regaining some composure, I dust my self off and step into the party. Little did I know that composure would be short lived…

…“we know what you did”…

how?! How could you possibly know?!

”you were gone for too long it’s obvious”

no there’s no way you know

”oh we know just admit it”

ok ok I’ll come clean *tears rolling down my face*, I don’t know how you know but I shit my pants

…”what?”…

"Super close call boys I was mid mountain and farted and thought I shit myself I proceeded to absolutely send it straight down the mountain leaving Hailey in the dust. I ran into the lodge only to remember I am wearing my overalls… after swearing, sweating, and shaking I managed to get them off and take care of business. I checked and I didn’t shit myself and my shorts were spotless 🙌 "

Craig

We are cutting it close! Less than 12 hours to go — although Craig and Duke are tied this year, Craig may be stuck with the trophy again as the current leader. We will be closely monitoring sphincter expulsion today, and will definitely have updates if a momentous occasion occurs.

Tune in at midnight tonight for more updates!

The Worlds Shittiest Person award was created as an ode to our dear friend’s bowel instability. After he had unplanned evacuations in his pants 4 and a half times in a single year (2020), we decided to get him a trophy to celebrate his idiocy.

Since then, we have decided to have a biggest loser esque leaderboard. The “winner” will take the World’s Shittiest Person award for that year until another can usurp them. Quite similar to the Sacko trophy, for those cultured enough to enjoy watching men play *fantasy* football.

Things aren’t looking good for Craig this year, as a tie goes to the current leader. He has to hope for a miracle in the final 3 days of this year.